Growing Family

The growing season in my garden this year seems to be a little off. I sprouted a new kid back in Oct. And her roots are sinking deep into the rich soil we have here. What a wonderful birthday gift, right?

It's a a bit jacked up how I got this addition in my family. She belongs to my sister. See my sister has a drug habit that goes back like... lets see...hmmm 24 yrs and her wrong choices finally caught up to her, thank God. The powers that be let me have this sweet child rather then put her in foster care. For that I am greatful.

She is just as beautiful as the other beautiful flowers that bloom here, she is as bright as the suns rays that get caught in the dew drops. I wonder why her own mother never noticed that twinkle that spark? (oh she had her cocain shades on that makes everything all white, can't see a dosh garn thing with them on)

She is 9 months older then my pretty posey O so they are like two peas in a pod and B the big boy he isn't all that thrilled about having another girl in the house, it seems to be disrupting the flow of testostron. We did have an even fifty fifty... he can feel the girl power now there is more of it. Poor little guy, he said having two 4 yr olds around was like being back in kindergaten... he is so annoyed.

I recently was asked if I could do this on a permanent basis, It didn't take that much thinking... of course I could... How could you not? After some discussion with my DH and a little talk with the kids we decided that we would be able to handle another child. It's an odd sort of thing though like perma-baby-sitting... I mean shes four shes got her own set of rules that she has been raised with her own sort of living style her own likes and dislikes that had no influence form us, her own language and play styles that couldn't be molded into something that we think appropriate.

You know how when you have your children you have certain things like... I will not tolerate my children saying the words shut-up, stupid...they are bad words here, just as bad as the F word. So what sort of thing happens when they are a regular part of the kid that your settings vocab? Don't say that? Gasp? OMGosh? I just have been saying we don't use that word here. It is working but thats who she is... I don't want to change who she is... I don't want to make her feel like who she is isn't right. I want her to have good table manners and use her fork and spoon the right way but how do you do that without making her feel like the way she is doing it is wrong? I'm in such a spot with all of this. What to do? What to do?

I know everything will work out.

Mosh Pit Mommy

I realized sometime back that I wasn't just a mom but I was still a person. Some thing had happened during the birthing process 6 yrs ago that lead me to believe that when I pushed that fat lil baby boy out of my vagina that I pushed out all of my being along with him and it was replaced by something that we call mom. BULLSHIT.



I stopped smoking for that baby, I stopped drinking for that baby, I stopped having any amount of fun except getting giddy over farts and poopy diapers. Rachel the person was gone, gone, gone! But Rachel the mom was there to take her place. I will admit that I am a bit swollen in the head when I talk about my parenting skills. I think I have it all together pretty much. My children are great well rounded spoiled li'l stinkers.



But was I well rounded? No, I wasn't I was like a moon shape...a big chunk of my life was missing. It was Me! When My 2ed child was born things were way bad. I got all blue and cried all the time...blah, blah, blah. My Dh saw that I was stuggeling with the woes of Mommyhood and offered up some tickets to go out. To go out and see one of my favorite bands ever! CLUTCH! My baby was 4 months old. I was over come with guilt for leaving them but I did. I left them with my mother and I went out! I went out and had an awesome freakin time! I hadn't seen Clutch since 1994 when I was still a teen.



I was a little apprehensive about the crowd I kept thinking, I'm a mom I so don't belong here. Then Clutch came out. The drums and the sound of the guitar and I could feel the bass inside my body It was shaking me awake. Like I was sleeping all that time. I raised my hands as if praising god, the music filled my soul. I get all sappy thinking about it but it really was a moment for me. My Dh behind me screaming along with the roar of the crowed and I was mesmirized by the music. I had forgotten about LIVE music and the way it feels.

DH had assured me that before we went that he wouldn't go in the pit and that he would stay with me. Hehe the venue we were at was super small(Niabingy Youngstown, Ohio)(love those shows) About half way through the show I turned to my DH and planted a big fat kiss on his lips and jumped into the pit that was just a foot in front of us. He let me have a swirl in the pit then he grabbed me out to make sure I was ok. I was So excited. The rush of being tossed about like a rag doll. feels good. Being touched by hands that weren't small and gental was a different feeling, I won' t say it felt good cause that would be crazy but it was different and nice.

I found me again, in a mosh pit.

About my garden

Things are quite unreal in my world, I hear it all the time from the man that dwells among these posies with me. He uses the term Lala land as the place I reside while he himself lives in a terrible reality.

I am overly optimistic it seems. Most often in a great mood unless I have been wrangeling the busy bees that we call children while they reak havoc on my lovely graden(busy bees is another term for children who are jsut being plain naughty!) yeah, you got em' too! Things are mellow and flow nicely for me most of the time. However, there are those days where I get so ticked off I could blow a gasket. Those are the days that I want to write so I can vent and let it all out and take a step back and read it so I may see the goodness in the crazy shit! Oh yeah the crazy shit always has something good! I'll find it and It'll be fun!